Thursday, December 19, 2002

A last-minute Christmas present...

1. After rashly quitting her telly job in May, E finally lands a part-time job in late July that will a) pay half decently and b) work around her voluntary training.

2. After about a week in said job, E realises one her of co-workers (of which there are only 2) is very, well, eccentric. He talks to himself constantly while he types. He has this annoying way of eating out of tupperware containers (*scrape* *whack*) that is supremely unappetising. His idea of conversation is talk about how he feels persecuted by others in the company or to bore his listener with a barrage of jargon-laden ramblings. He does not appear to have discovered anti-perspirant. He is constantly clearing his throat loadly (verging on what can only be described as semi-horking) or even worse, burping. E is a very lady-like girl and does not care for this behaviour. She begins to wonder if this job was such a good idea.

3. A month later, E is told she must attend a company away day, but there are no flights from Manchester to this town so guess who is going to drive her there and back? She does her best, but there's no getting out of it. Now she must endure all his habits with only a foot of cramped car space between them. E stares out the window for most of both journeys.

4. A month later, E notices he's acting even stranger. The slightest request or reminder makes him lash out defensively, and he talks constantly about needing a holiday. One time, he comes over and stands at E's desk and just stares at her imploringly for ages. She doesn't know how to respond and ends up grabbing her coat and announcing she's got to do errands. E's other co-worker reports that he came in at 7 am one day and discovered him slumped over a table in the dark, muttering to himself. He starts disappearing for long periods during the day, and one day, he just doesn't turn up at all. 24 hours later, head office gets a call from a local hospital that he's checked himself in a la Ned Flanders.

5. He returns a few weeks later and seems ok. E consciously tries to be kind and not refer to the whole incident as she's heard others making jokes behind his back. Unfortunately, this seems to be taken the wrong way and E starts getting unwanted attention. In a small office where often it is just the two of them, this makes things incredibly uncomfortable. E does everything she can from then on to avoid any sort of conversation, and makes excuses to leave the office when it's just the two of them.

6. 2 months later, E comes back from a short break to find out he's been headhunted and will be leaving immediately. Sweet sweet relief. Although she wonders who on earth would actually seek him out, she is deeply grateful for their delusion.

Thank you for making my christmas, oh ye unwitting recruitment person!


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