Thursday, January 03, 2002

I think I'm suffering from an inferiority complex today...everyone else's blog seems amazing compared to mine. I know, I just have to knuckle down and learn html 'til I'm blue in the face. Unfortunately I'm impatient when I want something!

I'm also feeling pretty down about work these days. The bf says it's just that post-new year's "why the fuck am I working here?" blues but I've been feeling this way for a while.

Background: I jumped into this job to escape from an evil bitch boss who works on a soap I won't name. The stress comes from the fact that I didn't have a break in between jobs and I've also found that the work tends to be more admin than I'm happy with. Some of the other people in the office are too corporate for me too. Luckily the development producer is a woman and is 100% supportive of me...with her help, one of my programme ideas has been developped into a full proposal and is in the running for a commission with Channel 4.

But my direct boss, who is a nice guy but a huge workaholic and stress monster, can't seem to totally acknowledge that I am capable of all the research etc. as well as looking after his admin needs. I have to fight to be allowed to go into studio because he'd rather I was at my desk in case someone phones - that kind of thing. We've talked about it, but I don't really believe him when he says he's happy for me to progress, based on some of his actions. Occasionally he acts like the big boss on campus in front of visitors. Such as insisting on stupid things like that I collect his print jobs from a printer that is 10 feet away because he's too important to do it himself.

So it's 50% my fault for jumping into a job too quickly, and 50% feeling like I don't think this is headed where I want to be creatively. Unfortunately, you can't be too picky in Manchester. Every week, I see a dream job advertised in the Guardian - but it's always in London!

I'm working out of contract right now, so technically I could walk away tomorrow. In fact I doubt they'd get any paperwork sorted out before February. I can't say I'm not sorely tempted, but I wouldn't put myself or the bf through the financial uncertainty. It's just that sometimes I can't *deal*, y'know? I just wish I could find something cool to apply for. Argh!

Sorry for the rant, it's just I'd rather get it off my chest so I can actually do some work today!

In happier news, I'm still loving sitemeter...someone came here after searching Google for legally+blonde+necklace. :-)


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